Dealing With Mental Health: PTSD

About a week ago I had an assessment with a Psychiatrist at Moore’s Cancer Center to be evaluated for some mental health issues that had been coming up in a pretty significant way for the last few months. In reality, these issues have been haunting me for a very long time.

I sat before him and poured out my life story, tears streaming down my face as I observed the parts I felt most compelled to share.

At the end of our session, he confirmed what I had already intuitively known, I was in the midst of PTSD. However, he also confirmed something else that, if I’m honest, I already intuitively knew as well; Borderline Personality Disorder.

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One year later - this is what a year of cancer looks like

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There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning. - Unknown. 

 

 

 

 

I've tried really hard to find the right words to share what this week means to me but I'm falling short. 

What I really want to say is thank you. 

Thank you for supporting me and holding me up when I was unable to do so on my own. 

Thank you for allowing me to be so raw and authentic and feel safe to bare my soul during this difficult time.

Thank you for laughing with me while I'd find my way out of the darkness and back into my funny and sassy self. 

Thank you for all the notes, messages, comments, flowers, gifts, dinners, prayers, good thoughts, energy, and most importantly, love. 

I truly would not have been able to do the last year without you. 

I don't know what the future holds and to be honest, whatever comes my way I know I'll handle it just the same. 

Often you read that difficult times will make sense down the road. I'm not sure if that is always the case. Some situations just never make sense. However, I know for me, it is. All of this is starting to make just a little more sense. 

Most importantly though, this last year has taught me just how important it is to have faith and to be okay with asking for help. 

I did my best to document the year in photos. One thing was consistent, as much pain I was in, I often found myself smiling. A lot. And that felt really nice. 

To many healthy years ahead. 

This is what a year of cancer looked like. 


A few days after being diagnosed...a love of my life found his way into my heart. 

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I had a real life Grey's Anatomy experience with a room full of interns...

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I was surrounded by love and friends who give uplifting gifts that make your stitches hurt from laughing...

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Family came to visit and take care of me and I got the most amazing one-on-one time with my sis-in-law...

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And my older bro...never finished that chicken coop though :) 

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I had lots of pokes, prods, needles and procedures. So many. 

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But I had my first art opening...

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And a trip to Joshua Tree...

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And a drive north to Seattle...

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To be with the three other loves of my life...

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I walked into my first day of treatment ready to face it all...

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And then flew to Miami a few days into treatment and found a few days of solitude...

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My favorite part was crossing each treatment off...

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And just like that, six weeks, five days a week...was finished. 

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And I turned that page...

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And took myself to Idyllwild for my birthday, rented a little cabin in the woods and hiked for the first time since treatment ended...

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Sadly, I lost the other love of my life. 10 1/2 years together and I will never forget his love. 

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And I met my women for our Red Tent. I didn't leave this spot all weekend. 

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Spent Christmas with my soul sister...

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And enjoyed life.

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that's a wrap