MAGIC Super Food almond butter cups

So, who loves chocolate? Who loves almond butter? And who loooves them together? 

Thought so. Me too.

I wanted to lighten the mood a bit since the last two post were a little on the heavy side. If you haven't read them you can find them here and here. Real stuff gets talked about. 

You know I'm all for real talk. I love super vulnerable conversations where life gets dissected through powerful discussion but I also love light and fluffy and funny and well, food. And I love sharing foods I love with you. 

And part of balance is knowing when to add in more of the opposite. Too heavy? Lighten the load. Too funny, throw in a bit of serious, real talk. Someone once told me that I tend to error on the side of serious more often then not and the truth is, I have a wicked and witty sense of humor. Balance.

Life is all about finding B  A   L  A  N  C  E

Anyways. 

So we both love chocolate and we both love almond butter and we especially love them together. 

I thought I had a really good feeling about you. 

This little treat is good. So good in fact that I suggest you make extra and keep them in the freezer. However, even though they are chalked full of superfood goodness, two will feed your soul, all of them at once will probably induce a wicked episode of self-loathing and cyclical negative talk. And we've all come too far to go back down that crazy road again, right? I don't recommend it. Moderation is key. 

Honestly, that's my biggest problem with healthy treats. I can convince myself that since they are 'healthy' I can have more then I probably should. I'm like, "oh but they are chalked full of healthy antioxidants like camu camu and goji berries and adaptogens like Ashwagandha and Maca. Oh and plant-based proteins and pre and probiotics."

See, the mind can trick us into a lot if we aren't careful. 

But I do think you will love these. And they are actually good for you. In moderation. 

Balance. 

There are only four ingredients, one being Shakeology Superfood. If you read this post you saw that I introduced you to this new and amazing staple in my day. And if you know me, I'm a huge believer in getting your nutrition through real foods so I've always been a bit weary of shakes/meal replacement and in all honesty, I would never back something if I didn't truly believe in it. I'm WAY too honest of a person. As in I can barely even tell a little white lie without a neon sign blinking over my head shouting I'M SO NOT TELLING THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW!  

With that being said, adding this to my daily routine has been a huge game changer. And here is what I've noticed over the last six weeks. Coincidence?  Maybe. Probably not however. It's probably real magic. 

I've been drinking a smoothie every day for just over a month now and this is what I've observed. I am not a doctor and I am not, in any way, shape or form, claiming that this is why these things have changed. Other then being more consistent with my workouts, Shakeology is the only thing that I've changed.  

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+ Better sleep. I don't wake up multiple times throughout the night like I usually do. No more night sweats either thank God. I was going through up to three shirts a night which was making me super stoked for menopause!! (Insert sarcastic tone here). 

+ Less sugar cravings. I've always had a huge sweet tooth. Once when I was a kid a family friend took my older brother and I to the candy store and told us we could each get a pound. Little did she know that my older brother was basically boy genius and proceeded to find the lightest treats he could to fill his bad. Naturally I, like with every thing else he did, followed suit. 

Those days are long gone because I don't eat refined sugar anymore but even natural sugar starts to add up over time and was zapping the energy right out of me. If I'm craving something sweet I eat one of these babes below or make my blueberry chocolate superfood {milk}shake. I'll share that soon. 

+ (THIS IS THE BIGGEST ONE!) My Skin is GLOWING! I've had multiple people tell me that I have this new glow. That I'm radiating happiness and a shiny, smooth complexion.  And I ain't mad about that compliment! Fo sure! This has to do with a lot of inner work I've been doing but I know that it also has to do with what I'm putting in my body.  

My adult acne is virtually gone. Except with the mild breakout right before my period, it's just up and went away. And I aint mad about that either.  I have been struggling with some serious adult acne for the past two years. Like really bad, puberty kind of acne. 

It started right after my marriage ended which is kind of the last thing you want to deal with when you are already dealing with a million other things. Stress. Life changes. Emotions. Er, LOTS of emotions. Change in diet (going from strictly vegan to eating meat again). All of these could have contributed to the acne but within the last 6 weeks, my skin has seriously never looked better. Check it out! Disregard the age spots and swim goggle eye circles and just focus on the beautiful, acne-free skin. Despite the distressed look on my face, I'm pretty happy that after all this time, my skin is finally free and clear of something I already went through when I was a young adolescent. 

+ More energy. So much energy. I haven't had this much energy in I don't even know how long. I've mentioned this before but I have something called Hoshimoto's which is an autoimmune disorder where your body basically attacks your thyroid tissue like it's a foreign object. It can send me into crazy fits of exhaustion and fatigue. I call them my Hashi 'flare ups' but the truth is, they knock me on my behind. I have to take naps *gasp, during the day and I'm not, nor have I ever been, a napper. For the last six weeks I've been virtually nap-free. Even when I had bronchitis. #winning 

+ Its given me the ability to read minds and fly. Okay, I'm kidding on this one. Or am I? Mwahahaha!

So, as I've said, coincidence, maybe but I'm thinking that Shakeology is the cats meow (and we all know how much I love cats) and I've just landed on a gold mine full of a magical elixir of health and wellness. It gives me the same feeling as if I were to walk into a room full of kittens and puppies. I just want to jump up and down clapping my hands while letting out little shrills of happy cheer.  #myideaofheaven. I think I just may be a lifer. If you need any more evidence that Shakeology IS the cat's meow read these.

So without further ado. 

I'd like to introduce you to...

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What's you'll need:

1 scoop Chocolate or Vegan Chocolate Shakeology (I use vegan)
1/2 cup organic coconut oil
1/4 cup organic coconut butter
1/4 cup raw almond butter (I get mine at Trader Joe's)
 

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How to make:

Serving size: roughly 12 (that depends on your pouring ability)

1. In a sauce pan, melt coconut oil and coconut butter on medium heat. Watch carefully because the coconut butter will burn if you just let it sit so stir, stir, stir. Once melted, turn off heat and allow to cool. Not all the way until it's hard but so it's temperate. The Shakeology is loaded with raw super foods that you don't want to heat up too much so don't add it while melting the coconut oil and butter. 

2. Line your muffin tin with paper liners.  I have one that has smaller cup sizes. I think they are about 1 inch in diameter. Pour a small amount of your Shakeology coconut butter/oil mixture into the bottom of each liner and place in the refrigerator for about 20 minutes to harden. There should be about half of the mixture left once all the cups are filled. 

3. Remove hardened mixture from fridge and scoop a small amount of almond butter into the center of each cup. Small amount as in about 1/2 tsp. Place back in fridge to harden. About 10 minutes. 

4. Fill each cup up using the remainder of the Shakeology coconut butter/oil mixture and place back in fridge to harden the rest of the way. 

5. Enjoy!

Keep these guys in the fridge as they will melt at room temperature. 

Interested in Shakeology? Email me with any questions. I'm serious, this stuff is like liquid GOLD. It sparkles in the sunlight just like Edward from Twilight and I know just how much you love him. 

Lots of love and magic to you, 

your tragedy is your opportunity

“Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. Its up to you to find it. ”

— Buddha

Here goes nothing. I bawled my eyes out while writing this. 

I remember lying in that hospital bed, head fuzzy from the obscene amount of pain killers coursing through my body, just a few days post op from having two feet of my colon removed.  My surgeon sat on my right, my mom in a chair at the foot of my hospital bed. Beeps and humming echoed in the background and quiet moans seeped through my roommates lips as she herself healed from some kind of painful surgery. 

No amount of drugs could drown out the words that slipped from my doctors mouth moments later.  I was slammed head first into my worst nightmare. 

"Due to the infection Amanda, we are going to have to go back in, clean it out, leave you open to heal and..." he paused, hesitation filled the room as he prepared to confirm my biggest fear. "And you'll have to have a bag."

My body went limp. I was unable to speak yet silent screams reverberated throughout. I locked eyes with my mom and saw the fear spread across her face. Neither of us were any good at hiding how we were feeling. I closed my eyes as tears seeped up and slid down my cheeks. 

I kept my eyes closed hoping that when I opened them, I'd find that I was only dreaming. 

"For good? You mean, for...ever?" I whispered. 

"Well, not exactly. Given that everything goes well and we are able to clean out the infection and give your pelvis and abdomen time to heal, it would be temporary. Anywhere from 3-6 months. But..." he paused, more hesitation. "As we have learned, nothing is certain Amanda."

Flashbacks to a year and a half earlier flooded my mind. I was driving home from dropping off a friend in Tacoma when my phone rang. I looked down to see my older brother, Tyler, on the other end. I flipped open my phone and brought it to my ear. "Hi Ty." I said. 

"Hi Manda." He replied in his matter of fact tone. "So, I got my results and I have cancer. I have colon cancer actually." 

My mouth went dry and my world momentarily dark. How did my twenty-six year old brother have colon cancer? 

After we exchanged our words and hung up, I called my mom and cried into the phone as she explained everything in more detail. 

"The worst case scenario Mandy, is that he would have surgery and will have to have a bag." She explained. 

I gasped in horror. "You mean, like, he would have to poop in a bag for the rest of his life?" I cried out. "Mom, I...I just. I can't even. I mean, that is my absolute worst nightmare. I couldn't even survive if I had to have a bag!"

I laid in my hospital bed remembering that moment speaking with my mom and all I could manage to whisper out loud was, "Fuck."

A little while later they wheeled me down to surgery and when I woke, I momentarily forgot what had happened. Then everything flooded back. No longer could I use my bowels but rather, a 12" plastic bag hung from my stomach. I felt the PCA in my right hand and hit the button, falling back to sleep, giving myself more time before I had to face reality. 

Those first few day were rough to say the least. When I did managed to get out of my bed to take a shower, my mom helped me undress out of my hospital gown and as it slipped from my frail, thin, battered and bruised body, I started sobbing when I saw the bag hanging from my once pristine, 6-pack lined stomach. 

"Why me?" I screamed at my mom, "Why'd this happen to me?" My body shaking. 

Snot and tears dripped down my face, landing in a pool on top of my hospital gown that was curled up on the floor. As if on que, part of my bag detached from my stomach and the contents, (fortunately I wasn't eating yet) started spilling out, accompanying the snot and tears below. What was already an emotional moment now became the darkest ten minute of my life. I wanted to kick and stream and throw myself on the floor but the pain from the 6-inch open wound down my stomach prevented me from moving at all without help from someone else. I wanted to hit someone, anyone, but I knew everyone was only trying to help.  All I could do was allow the mess to drip down my body and cry deep, guttural and painful sobs as my mom frantically went for help. 

"Why'd this happen to me?" I continued crying, screaming out to no one. 

Moments later the bathroom door opened and I looked over my left shoulder, eyes swollen and caked with tears, sobs still slipping from my naked body. A young women stood in the doorway and the way the light was coming in through the window behind, made whoever was standing there look like an angel. Little did I know then, she was. 

"Hi Amanda, I'm Kerri. Oh man, I'm so sorry. Here, let me help you." She comforted me with the most soothing tone. 

There was something so calming about this nurse who came to my rescue. Instantly, I loved her. Intuitively I knew she was going to be apart of my life.

 She helped me get cleaned up and dressed in a new hospital gown and situated back into my bed. She said she had heard of my situation and she was going to go see if she could do something about getting me a private room and she left. 

A little while later she came in and wheeled me down the hall to my own private, corner suite.  

Hotel Swedish we started calling it.

She came back every day for the whole duration of my stay (nine days total). She sat with me, she got to know my family and I and most of all, she treated me like a human who needed all the love and comfort in the world. Because I did. I owe this earth angel so much. 

Fortunately for me, eleven years later, my older brother and this angel have a beautiful marriage and three amazing and wonderful kids together. And they are the loves of my life. 

So, you just never know. You never know what great and amazing things may come from your worst nightmare. 

Years later as I reflect back on that tragic moment in my life, I realize that it was all leading me somewhere. To where I am right now.

I remember those first few days home from the hospital I couldn't even touch my bag. My mom had to do everything for me. But overtime, as life went by, that bag became a part of me and when I went to have surgery to reverse the iliostomy a few months later, part of me was oddly sad. Not because I wanted to live with the bag for the rest of my life but because I had SURVIVED my worst fear and now I didn't know what to fear anymore.

Not only did I survive, but I thrived. I went back to work at the restaurant I had been at prior, not knowing how I would empty my bag in moments of chaos, but I figured it out. I continued dating the guy I had just started seeing right before I was diagnosed and he saw past the bag, he saw me and made me feel incredibly special and beautiful. My dad and I hiked my favorite trails to help me gain back my strength and I even went to the gym a few times. All with the bag. 

All these fears I had were really just a figment of my imagination. I was stronger, I was more resilient, I could still do everything I loved. I looked at fear in the face...and I did it anyway. 

I believe, with every ounce of my being, that we are given certain things in life because it is only us that can do something big and powerful with it. However, its up to us to find meaning and understanding of what that may be.

I know with every bone in my body, that I was given all these experiences with my body to help others regain a sense of power and strength in their own. I know that I went through my divorce and had to start my life over because I am supposed to help others who are walking similar paths.  

You see, no matter what your tragedy is, no matter what is causing your suffering, you can and will get through it. I  promise  you  that.  But here is the most difficult part of it all;  it is all up to you. You can stay tightly wrapped in the comfort of our victimhood and pity, or you can look it in the face, use those emotions, those feelings, that experience, to make the world a little brighter for others walking similar paths.  

Don't get me wrong, each tragic moment in my life; my eating disorder, cancer, my family members going through cancer, my divorce, each one has brought with it a slew of emotions. Painful and haunting emotions. You have to work your process, PLEASE work your process and honor where you are at. 

But at some point, and this is different for everyone, there comes a moment when you have to rise. You have say no more and look fear straight in the eyes. You can either stay on that path, riddled with anger and fear, doubt and despair or, you can life your head up and take daily steps to use what you've been given to change your life and the lives of others. 

I can't tell you when that will happen but I can tell you it will. And when it does, you'll look back and realize that your tragedy...your tragedy was actually YOUR opportunity. 

Sometimes the hardest part is just admitting you are worthy of it all

I remember the morning after my thirtieth birthday party very clearly. A fun filled night full of family, friends, booze and gourmet foods. Four things I love a lot. That night I felt so special, so loved and I think the picture below speaks volumes as to the amount of fun that was had by all. However, the next morning, my actual thirtieth birthday, told a very different story.  

As I peeled open my swollen and puffy eyes, my head foggy, my stomach queasy, I could feel the familiar sadness start to creep in, as if a looming dark fog was settling over my unsteady soul. I knew this feeling pretty well. I had woken with her darkness so many mornings before. 

In just a little bit, I was to get in a car and drive three hours to Eastern Washington for the Dave Matthews concert at the Gorge amphitheater with my best girlfriends to continue celebrating and I felt horribly unworthy of it all.

I felt pretty unworthy of a lot of things to be honest. 

I had just turned thirty and my life felt like a huge mess. I had moved back from Taiwan four weeks earlier, damaged the car a friend temporarily loaned me in a fender bender the DAY he loaned it to me, took a job that keep me feeling safe and was living, once again, with my parents...all at the age of thirty. Don't get me wrong, I have a DEEP love and appreciation for my folks and all the love and support they have provided me over the years. However, I just felt so ashamed of my life. I knew I had to figure out how to relinquish this feeling of unworthiness and reclaim my sense of freedom. 

I laid in bed, with my eyes closed and head pounding, wondering if I would ever pull my shit together. My heart was a mess, my spirit was dull and all those big dreams I once had were lost in a mix of tequila fuzz and self-loathing chasers. 

I needed something to change. I needed a spark to ignite the burning desire deep inside and to get me to step outside of my comfort zone and do all those really big things I had always wanted to do with my life.

Climb big mountains, travel to far off lands, be a rockstar girl boss, write and publish a book, help inspire change in others, live in Southern California, meet my love and live an adventurous life together. These were just a few. It's funny how some things never change over time though. 

As I lay there quietly in bed I felt the oddest thing. It was as if finally wanting to change bad enough was just enough to feel her darkness loosen her grip just a little. I knew in that moment this was my opportunity to escape her clasp.  It was now or never but I needed help, and before she could grab hold of me even tighter, I said a simple prayer which I believe, drove an unbreakable wedge between her darkness and my truth.  "Please help me. I cannot do this on my own any longer." Then, I peeled back the covers, sat up slowly and went about my weekend celebrating my self-proclaimed unworthy existence not knowing that I had just decided I was, in fact, very worthy. 

As I look back five and a half years later, I'm pretty amazed at what has transformed since asking for help in that moment of darkness. I wish I could say the clouds parted and bright rays of sun beamed down on me and magically, I was granted the ease I was longing for and everything started to fall into place. That wasn't exactly the case. Life got a bit easier in some ways but it also got a lot harder too. Allow me to explain.  

One of the greatest, and at times, most frustrating lessons I've had to learn over the course of my life is that you will continue to be presented with the same lesson over and over again until YOU, let me say that again, YOU, step up and take action to learn what you truly need to learn from them. My greatest lesson in this lifetime, I believe, is to accept that I am worthy of all that I want and desire and that I have all the power to create it. 

So, as I mentioned, life got easier in some ways when I asked for help and unconsciously declared that I am actually quite worthy. However, it still felt hard because I would continue to be presented with the same people and similar situations that would test me in great ways. 

The serious of events that took place from that moment on have taken my life on a really interesting and wild adventure. Each person, each experience, and every single moment has continued to teach me of my worthiness. Some of these lessons were harder then others, my failed marriage being a huge example, but was it really a failure or a lesson for me to dig even deeper and really see my value and worthiness? Walking away from a commitment like that wasn't easy but the realization that I WAS worthy of being treated better was what I needed to accept and learn. I was and am worthy of a deeper, stronger, more pure love with someone who truly sees and loves me. Accepting this one truth has helped me to see how worthy I am of other things I want for myself too. 

The career, the adventure, the unorthodox way of living, the body, the financial security and yes, the man who has the ability to love himself so much that he can love me too. 

And here is the real kicker, you are worthy of everything you want too.  

Do you even know just how worthy you are? 

The most important piece of this puzzle is identifying the things in your life that keep happening and truly believing that you are worthy of things happening differently. We may finally realize we are worthy but continue sabotaging our own happiness because we fail to understand that it is a muscle we need to constantly work. With every similar situation, it's our responsibility to do things a little differently. Can we say something in a different way? Can we forgive? Can we walk away? Can we find our voice and speak up? Can we accept the person for who they are? Can we accept the situation for what it is supposed to teach us?

My dad use to repeat this quote to me all the time. Back then I'd roll my eyes but now it's something I repeat often, "If you always do what you've always did you'll always get what you've always gotten."

The other night as I sat in my car watching the sun set over the pacific ocean I thought about my journey, how I ended up here and how I continue to be presented with people and experiences that are helping me learn this amazingly simple truth: I am worthy. Conflicts and people and situations that are making me rise up, find my voice and ultimately, lean in differently. Sometimes it feels hard. Sometimes they make me smile because I know why they are here. Sometimes I get sad because I just want this one particular lesson to be over already. And most of the time, I just say thanks. I get it.  

I smile at how far I've come and get excited about how much I still have to learn about life, others and myself. Something that use to feel daunting and so big is now an excellent example of living life as if it's just one big adventure. One thing is for certain, there is this peace in my heart that is unbreakable. I respect and admire the woman I have turned out to be and when I have a moment of being human, falling back into old patterns and habits, I nurture myself differently and remind myself that I am worthy regardless of what I sometimes say and do. 

I don't strive for perfection anymore because quite honestly, perfect is unattainable, perfect is unrealistic, perfect is boring and doesn't really exist. Worthiness doesn't come with obtaining this idea of perfection. Worthiness, like so many other things, comes with the truly believing you deserve it and then taking small steps in a different direction every time you are presented with a similar experience 

Worthiness is knowing that you do have a choice in the matter. You are the only one that can define whether or not you deserve something and then only you can go after it. 

One moment in your life could change everything. Whether you listen and make the small changes necessary from then on out, that determines everything.

So here are a few questions to real on. Chew on them. Soak them in. And then get very honest with yourself. But only do this if you actually want your life to change. 

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1. Where do you feel unworthy? In what areas of your life? 

example: For me, it was money, a healthy, loving relationship, and having a job that is creative, fun, adventurous and location independent. Those were my dreams. And those also happen to be three huge areas in your life. If one is off, then your whole life can feel off. Three were off. That says something, right?

2. What is the story behind this unworthiness?

example: Yuck, I really hate having to admit this because its super scary and vul-ner-ab-le. But vulnerable is the key to happy times ahead so here I go. Once upon a time when I was young and super impressionable,  I picked up this little story from someone close to me who said, "Don't worry Amanda, you just need to meet a man who can take care of you. You don't have to worry about a career." Ugh. There. Sounds funny saying it out loud but from that moment on, it was like a tick that burrowed deep into my skin except it was my subconscious, and I learned that my worthiness was dependent on finding someone to take care of me. It's taken a lot of self-analysis and uncovering to redefine that belief. 

3. How can you reframe it?

example: Actually,  (if you know me you know I just did a little side-to-side head motion with a twist of index finger up in the air and hands on my hip) Let. me. tell. you. I don't need someone to take care of me. My dreams are just as important and relevant and I can achieve them just like anyone else thank you very much. (this is where I get super sassy}. The truth is,  I want a partner that grows with me, that pushes me to be better every single day, that gives me room to spread my wings and fly. That supports my dreams. Sure, we all want to be taken care of in some ways but having mutual love and respect for each other and our dreams is vital for happiness. 

4. Now the fun part...WHAT do you really want? 

example: I want to have enough money in the bank to always feel secure. I want a career that is inspiring others to achieve their ultimate greatness focused on health, wellness, fitness, travel and food. I want a love with a man that is deep, pure, real, passionate, adventurous and fun. I want to travel around the world and be location independent. Can I get a high five?

5. Decide and implement daily one small step to get you closer. 

example: Today, and every day, I wake up and set one little goal. For money, I put away X amount every week so that I can feel secure if something happens or if I want to take a vacation or have an unexpected expense. For love, well, I put myself back out on the market and took it a little more seriously and told the big old UNIVERSE that I'm ready. For my career, I'm taking bold and active steps, once again, in that direction. Travel, I'm committed to two big trips in the next five months and I'm gonna make it happen. 

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You see, you really do deserve the things you want. Please believe me when I say this:

 You  Are  Worthy. 

whipped honey-garlic tahini dressing

I'm pretty sure this recipe came out of desperation. I have a deep love for any kind of dressing that is plain not good for you: Ranch, Blue Cheese, Thousand Island, rich and creamy burger sauces, you name it and I want to smother, not lightly coat, everything in the stuff. It's one of the reasons I can't eat pizza (even the gluten-free kind) very often because I'm a dipper and usually it's more like, "I'll have a slice of pizza with my dip, thank you! However, because I believe everything should be done in moderation, I reserve my dip and pizza for special occasions.  And I know it's okay to have some every now and then but one little tablespoon (the recommended serving) well, that's a tease for someone like me. 

However, desperate times call for me getting my hands dirty in the kitchen, which is fine by me because I love cooking and making healthier alternative to those 'naughty' old time favorites. And a girl needs her dip! 

So one day I was desperate for something creamy for my kale salad and I had a pretty barren cupboard but I did have tahini, garlic, honey, lemon and salt. "Alrighty," I thought. "I need my dip." And thus, this came into creation. 

Just a word to the wise though, if you aren't too keen on a super garlicy flavor OR you have a hot date in the same day that you decide to eat this dressing/dip, maybe go a little lighter on the garlic. So now you've been warned. 

whipped honey-garlic tahini dressing {dip}

Ingredients:

1 cup tahini
1 tsp honey
1-2 cloves garlic (roasted or not)
1/2 a lemon
pink sea salt
water to thin 

How to Make:

1. Blend all ingredients until well combined. It may thicken up a bit. This is why I add water. Add about 1/2 cup of water and continue to blend on high. This is where you get the whipped affect and it becomes super creamy. Continue adding a little water until it is smooth and creamy. 

2. Serve and Enjoy. 

Yep, it's really that easy!

feeling fit, free and thirty-five and what that means in this chapter of life

(Read to the bottom to here about a special offer for you)

I've never really been one to stick to one particular diet. Except for the three years that I choose, for ethical and health reasons, to eat a strict vegan diet, I've never truly committed to one modality of eating. I have however, been extremely interested in learning about the vastness that is health, wellness and nutrition and have learned to apply what makes sense to me and my life. My natural curiosity began at a very young age and I think I started eating quiona in 2001 before it became the superfood staple that it is today because I read about it's superpowers in a health magazine.

However, I was a bit of a conundrum. Despite my natural curiosity and love of health, nutrition, fitness and personal development, I struggled with body acceptance and the way I looked for a very long time. I spent about fifteen years trapped in a cycle of shame surrounding an, at times, crippling eating disorder. I've shared this journey here if you'd like to read more. 

Fortunately, through a lot of personal growth and discovery and coming to a deep understanding of where my body dysmorphia stemmed from, I've learned the tools to be able to reframe the way I see myself and how I feel in my skin. 

I've also, at a very young age, had my body betray me in the worst kind of way. Getting colon cancer at twenty-four, having part of my large intestine removed, developing a major complication/infection, having to have "The Bag" for three months, more surgeries, lots of recovery and THEN having to learn how to work with a new body that felt broken was to say the least, a lot. 

Learning to find a deep sense of appreciation for the body has been a huge journey. 

So naturally, sharing what follows feels a little superficial but, in my efforts to always being transparent, this is part of my journey too. With that being said, I've noticed over the course of the last few years, as I pass threw my early thirties and climb over that inevitable hill into my mid to late thirties, some new and interesting thoughts appearing about the way I look. I'm starting to realize the importance, now more then ever, to maintain a regular healthy diet and exercise routine and even more focus on acceptance and self-love. 

One of the stories I attached myself to at some point or another is that as you get older, things just don't work the way they use to and that is just the way it is. The damaging part of this story is the, "That is just the way it is." I discovered that I started using this as a way to be more complacent and as an excuse for not doing the things I once loved doing. 

It is true that as you get older, things change. Your body changes. Your ability to gain weight is easier and losing weight feels harder. Things start to droop a little and lines and creases form where you once had none. I remember right after my thirtieth birthday I looked in the mirror and saw the horizontal creases on my forehead and my jaw dropped. I guess I just never thought I was going to...age. I've always felt energetically and physically a lot younger then I was but its inevitable. We all age, we all get older. 

 So a huge part of my growing over the last few years is finding a sense of appreciation and acceptance for my body in a whole new light. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of people will look at me and probably roll their eyes. I look a lot younger then I am. However, I think it's important to understand that everyone has their shit. Everyone has the stuff they are hyper cryptical of and we all have a past, that at times, can creep back up and start to tell old stories. 

I recognized that it was time to lay out all the stories I have about aging and revamp and redefine them in a way that is aligned to how I REALLY feel inside and how I will allow myself to feel moving forward. 

Then one day recently, as I was scrolling Instagram, I landed on a woman's page, a fellow health and wellness warrior and San Diegoan (is that how you spell it?), and I started watching the things she posted more closely. There was something about her that just really inspired me. Something that left me thinking, "You know, our lives are made up of the stories that we tell ourselves every single day. What stories do I need to reframe? What stories do I, Amanda, have the power to change and reshape?" Eventually I felt compelled to reach out to her and learn more about all of these workouts she was doing and she invited me to join one of her challenges and I thought, why not? There is no greater time then now to be exactly who I want to be or better put, exactly who I really am. 

So about a week ago I started doing the workouts and paying closer attention to what I was eating, careful however, to use the tools I've garnered over the years to not fall back into old, obsessive behaviors. This photo is my before. 

As I mentioned in the Instagram post, my goals aren't exactly to lose weight. My goals are to feel my absolute best, inside and out, as I move into my second half of my thirties. In all honesty, it's been something I've struggled with, especially after my divorce two years ago. With 100% transparency, my whole marriage and the end of it left me feeling broken and self-conscious in so many of ways. I had no idea it would take me so long to put the pieces back together and discover who I was again. My goal is, and always has been since the minute I walked away, was to rebuild myself and life from the inside out. 

So, the number on the scale doesn't mean much to me but the way I feel in my skin, that changes everything. Feeling good in your skin helps our confidence and inner spirit shine brighter. When we shine our brightest we inspire others to feel safe doing so too.

As we pull ourselves out of the darkness of winter and into the lightness of spring (at least in San Diego), I think its safe to say we all feel so much better when we are surrounded by brightness and warmth, am I right? 

So I ask you this, what is something you are telling yourself right now that isn't exactly the truth, is just a story you picked up along the way and made it your own? Now, how can you reframe it to be more truthful and aligned to who you are?

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And for those of you that want to know exactly what it is I'm doing, here are the details. 

Workout

21 day fix extreme or 21 day fix
 

What I REALLY love about this workout, like the others I've done, is that I can do them from the comfort of my own home, they are 30 minutes and you walk away feeling like you got a killer workout. You can always add on another if you want a little more. Sometimes I'll add cardio or a 10 minute abs. What is really awesome is you feel and see results pretty quickly.

I love working out from home. I know this seems to be one of the biggest issues for a lot of people, they feel like they just aren't motivated enough, but seriously, the hardest part is putting on your workout clothes and pushing play. Once you are in it, you are in it and the 30 minutes goes by quickly. 

diet and nutrition

superfood shake: Vegan Chocolate

As I mentioned above, I don't really follow a particular diet. This program gives you a plan which is nice for anyone who needs more detailed guidance. I eat pretty intuitively, meaning, I listen to what my body is craving and ask why, then eat according to whatever answers I come up with. This isn't a freebie to eat poorly. If I'm craving junk, well, I know enough by now that I'm probably really craving more nurturing and love. 

I have added in a new superfood shake/smoothie. One thing about me is that I do not like a lot of over the counter shakes. They usually are way too chalky for me but this one is legit. I was a little nervous at first because I truly believe in getting our nutrition from real, whole foods but that is exactly what this is.  The ingredients in this are just that. 

The proprietary superfood formula was designed to provide you with vital nutrients to help you lose weight (if that is part of your goal), maintain healthy cholesterol, and support healthy blood sugar levels. A huge component of this shake is made up of super foods that I was taking already to support healthy digestion, energy levels, thyroid/adrenal support, and longevity. 

Look at these:

Protein derived from (helps build lean muscle and reduce cravings): Chia, Flax, Quinoa, Rice, Pea and Oat.

Super-fruit/antioxidants (immune support):  Camu-camu, acerola Cherry, Bilberry, Goji Berry, Green Tea, Luo Han Guo, Pmegranate, Rose Hips. 

Super-green and Phytonutrient Blend( support health and vitality): Moringa, Chlorella, Spirulina, Spinach and Kale.

Adaptogen Blend (helps body adapt and respond to stress): Ashwagandha, Astragalus, Cordyceps, Ginkgo, Maca, Maitake, Reishi, Schisandra.

Pre and Probiotic and Digestive Enzyme Blend (help absorb nutrients and support regular healthy digestion): Yacon Root, Chicory Root, Lactobacillus Sporogenes, Amylase, Cellulase, Lactase, Glucoamylase, Alpha-Lalactosidase, Invertase. 

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So, if you know me you know that all of these ingredients are pretty sexy to me and I bet they sound pretty intriguing to you as well!

So, now you are probably thinking, I've read all the way down to the bottom, what's in this for me? What is this special offer just for me? 

Well, I'm thinking that maybe part of my story resonated with you. Maybe, like me, you want to feel your absolute best, despite your age. Maybe you are ready to let go of some of those old stories that have been circling around your head and adopt some new, life affirming and life changing ones. Maybe you, yourself are ready to join a challenge with me? 

Together, we can, not only change ourselves, but change the way we feel inside and out by leading by example, that no matter where you are in life, no matter what you have gone through, what you are going through, or where you are showing up from today, you can begin by saying yes, signing up and joining in the movement to brighten the world. 

I just think that is so amazing that we have the choice. Don't you?

Want to know more? Email me right now and let's start a conversation on how you can begin feeling your very best. The conversation is FREE, the changes you'll make, well, those are priceless!