Stay Calm When Shit Hits the Fan

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Life, with all its mysterious glory, is always going to throw you curveballs. I believe it has to otherwise we'd all lead very boring and simple lives and who wants that anyway? :)  Never has that been truer for me then right now.

Three weeks ago I made the decision to leave my marriage. Out of respect for my husband, all I will say is that this was the very best decision however painful, sad, confusing and scary it may be. When you get to the bare bones of it and peel back all the layers of why I made the decision I did, at the very core was the feeling that the marriage just wasn't right. I love my husband and he will always have a very special place in my heart and I wish him nothing but the best. However, it wasn't the best for me. 

The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and I can honestly say I have never been through a more difficult situation in my whole life. Although I'm no stranger to heartache (who isn’t), this is a new kind of pain that I've never experienced. It's laced with a rawness that is almost palpable at times, and can be very uncomfortable.

Admittedly in the past when my emotional shit hit the fan I would create so much internal chaos that my whole world would become overwhelming and I'd often fall into a depression. I’d use food to cope; I’d listen to sad music because I couldn’t bare to be happy, even if it was for a minute. This time however, the work I have spent doing on myself is very real and apparent. I crave something different, something more.

I no longer desire for that internal chaos and I want to really grow from this experience, the kind of growth that can only be done by allowing myself to experience all of it -- every feeling and emotion.

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If I can offer any words of wisdom from my experience so far it would be this:

It’s OK to feel the pain and I highly recommend doing so

Just don’t stay there. Give yourself permission to feel like complete shit, sad, angry, and pissed off then follow it up with gratitude. There is ALWAYS something to feel grateful for even when it seems life isn’t going your way.

It’s easy to stay in the pain but to grow from any difficult experience you have to dig deep and work through it.

Lean on your circle of support, like, I mean REALLY lean on them

In 2004 I underwent a difficult surgery removing about two feet of my colon. From there I developed a massive infection and was rushed back to the emergency room, underwent emergency surgery, had an ileostomy bag, tubs going into various parts of my body and I was confined to a hospital room for nine days.

During that time I was enveloped by so many people it was amazing. However, once the dust settled and I came home, people started to get back to their own lives and I felt abandoned. Why weren’t people reaching out to me as much anymore? I was devastated and started to grow more and more depressed and a little resentful.

Here is the thing, people still want to help and be there for you they just don’t always know exactly what to do. So you need to tell them exactly what you need. This has been a huge lesson I have been learning through my divorce too. Instead of turning inward I’m pushing myself to reach out to people and say, “hey, I need to talk do you have a few minutes?” People, the ones you trust and love, always will be there for you.

It’s okay to have moments of happiness too!

Just because you may be going through something painful doesn’t mean you can’t have eternally grateful moments of blissed-out happiness. I have been allowing myself to just go with the flow and have been pleasantly surprised when I would get gitty excited for this new journey I was embarking on. Own your decision. I chose to leave my marriage for very important reasons and now it’s my responsibility to truly take the bull by the horns and live the life I felt like I wasn’t able to live being married to my husband.

Give yourself A LOT of love and kindness

In the past when I really struggled with emotional eating and body image issues a devastating experience would leave me running straight for the freezer looking for anything to stuff down the uncomfortable feelings I was experiencing.

This time is different.

I’m letting myself experience all the emotions and work through them, I’m not turning to food to fill that void. In fact, it’s been a goal of mine to nurture and nourish myself completely during this time, meaning, feeding myself with nutritious foods instead, taking quiet time when needed and really listening to what I need at every moment of the day. You can read more on this in my post, The Day I Stood in the Ice Cream Aisle.

Hone in on your intuition

People will give you so such much advice during times like this which they are doing because they love and care about you and are really just trying to help.

However, it's very important to stay connected to your own intuition. If everyone is telling you to do one thing but it just doesn’t feel right or true to you, then go with your gut. Staying connected to who you are and what you value is going to be very important. As long as you are living according to your values then I believe you really can’t make a wrong decision. I firmly believe this.

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If you are going through a difficult situation I hope that you will give yourself lots of love and kindness right now and see where you can find purpose and meaning in it all. It may require a little more digging at times but I promise you, it's there. 

And as always, I'd love to talk to you more if you are feeling stuck or unsure in your life. Reach out to me here. 

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The Day I Stood in the Ice Cream Aisle -- A Reflection on How Far I’ve Come

I just stood there staring at all of my choices. There was everything from Chocolate chunk and Cherry Garcia to the many assortments of vegan coconut flavors I have grown to love. There was plain vanilla, always a favorite, and plain chocolate and Neapolitan. Am I the only one who actually loves the strawberry in Neapolitan?

My world stood still as I repeated the names in my head, waiting for one to scream yes, that’s the one that will fix everything but it never came. My body felt numb, my eyes puffy and my heart shattered in a million little pieces. How will I ever put them all back together I wondered? There was a time, years ago, that a pint of cool, creamy ice cream would do the trick, momentarily anyway, and that is what led me to this very place, at this very moment.

I continued scanning the cooler, growing a little panicked that nothing was registering with my need to stuff, to fill the hole that was once my heart. Nothing was jumping out of the grocery store cooler into my little basket. I wanted desperately to return to my old ways of comfort but realized in that moment that I couldn’t. There was no turning back; I have come too far now. I no longer craved that anymore.

What I craved now was new to me but so much power rested in knowing that I couldn’t stuff down this sadness, I had to actually feel it, work my way through it the best way I know how.

I pivoted on my heels and walked away from the comfort I once turned to in times of pain and sorrow and headed straight for the produce section. What I need, more than anything was to feed myself in the only way I know to be comforting now.

I loaded my basket with kale and avocado and humus and carrots and was reminded that this was truly what I was craving. Not to stuff away what I was feeling but to do the very thing I was always too afraid to do; feel and to nourish and nurture myself through this. 

My life feels as if it is in a million pieces on the ground right now and I’m not ready to talk openly about why, however, what I’m realizing is how far I have come over the last few years. How I use to head straight to the ice cream isle for some kind of momentary reprieve but now, in this time of sadness I’m also filled with gratitude and hope and knowledge that this too will pass and I will come out ahead. A Stronger, better Amanda.

I no longer want that pint but to remember how this feels so that when I have moved on and it’s all said and done, I will know just how far I have come. I will remember because I've allowed myself to feel all of it. 

Stay Committed Even When It Seems No One Supports You

"Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach."- Tony Robbins

Stay Committed to Your Wellness Even When it Seems No One Supports You

Any time we try something new it’s always exciting in the beginning. Transitioning to a health-focused, wellness first lifestyle is no different. I get totally excited when I hear of something new that will help reinvigorate my wellness routine. However, staying committed to it isn’t always easy, especially when it feels like you have little or no support. 

We often get on a roll, full speed ahead and at some point, especially if the routine becomes too time consuming or hard or we feel all alone, we loose our steam and eventually let it fall to the wayside. We lose our committed purpose. 

I was lucky enough to transition into a plant-based diet with my husband and because we had each other to hold on to when the naysayers came out swinging, or in the beginning when we were still craving some of our old favorites, it made staying committed in the early days very easy. However, this isn’t always the case. Many people feel the pull to become healthier without having someone to transition into it with and often what they discover is resistance from others.

When we went plant-bases, a lot of people were curious and asked many questions, which we were happy to openly chat about. However, there were definitely those that liked to point out why our decision was flawed, and placed a ton of judgment on us. There were also those that would still try to get us to eat things we no longer wanted to eat or they would tease us about our decision. It hurt and I felt betrayed and in some cases, disrespected.

At times I would get so mad I felt like I was seeing red. I’d roll my eyes (hopefully without them seeing) and go into my long-winded pitch about how if they knew how animals were treated on these factory farms they wouldn’t be able to eat meat either. I had all my defensive points mapped out, ready to use when the moment was right.

Eventually, my husband and I realized that the best way to spread our message was to live it with grace. We had to find a way to be okay with the comments and stay true to what we believed in.

This goes for anything new and unconventional that we do in our lives. Sometimes people, unbeknownst to them, are acting a certain way out of fear. They don’t want you to change because often, when others make positive changes in their lives, it can remind us that we need to change too.

In the end I realized several thing and wanted to share them with you today as a tool for you when things start to feel a little difficult but I want to say this first. You are so much stronger then you realize. The choice you’ve made to be healthier and happier is brave and courageous. The changes you are making in your life, you should be proud. Very proud. And, I am here for you every step of the way.

Tips for Staying Committed to Your Path

Find Your Tribe Any time we try something new it’s really important to find people who are on a similar journey that can support you in yours. It is so much easier to stay committed to change when we know we have a group of like-minded people to talk to, especially in our moment of weakness but also during times of excitement.

Recently I spoke at a 90-day weight lose challenge where a group of about thirty women competed to lose the most weight. Although it was a fun competition what I say was a group of amazing women who came together to support and encourage each other on this journey for better health and happiness. This is a tribe.

You can lean on each other, celebrate your triumphs opening as well as your fears. It’s truly amazing to have people you can turn and talk for hours on end about your mutual interest.

If you feel like Savoury Soul Wellness is part of your tribe I encourage you to reach out to me. Tell me what’s going on and where you need support. That’s why I am here.

Communicate Kindly Other people’s opinions of us can hurt. Especially when it’s someone we love and trust and they aren’t giving us the support we need to succeed. No one likes to feel judged, especially when we are doing something for ourselves that feels authentic and makes us happy and healthy.

However, something I’ve learned is that it’s okay if not everyone agrees with what we are doing and we don’t have to get into a shouting match to prove that we are right. I’ve learned to communicate kindly to them, which may look something like this:

“I know you may not agree with or understand why I am doing ________ but please know that it feels right to me and makes me happy and that’s really what is important, right? I respect you and how you choose to live your life and all I ask is for the same in return.”

People seem to be a lot more curious and understanding when I approach it with love instead of venom and more judgment. Who would have thought? ☺

Stay True to Yourself When it comes down to it, you are the only one you really have to answer to. At the end of the day, are you living your life for you or for someone else?

We live in a world where we are told we have to put everyone else and their needs first, which, to some extent, is a great way to live. However, if it is compromising on what you really, truly want then you have to stay true to yourself and do what makes you happy.

Treat It As An Opportunity Challenging times and situations are a huge opportunity for growth. Never has anything been more true and I believe we are constantly given similar opportunities that challenge our beliefs and create change in order for us become the person we are meant to be. We need these challenges to push and expand us in ways we may not do so otherwise.

Even when something seems hard, try to step back and look at in from a different perspective. How can you approach it differently then you have in the past? Try to see the other person’s perspective and apply compassion towards your response. Maybe they are just scared you are going to change so much they may not connect with you anymore. Even if that is so (and it’s absolutely okay as well), try and see where they are coming from and help them understand your goals.

Hire a Coach One of the best things you can do for yourself is to say yes to a life you love. This involves putting you first and when you don’t have the support in your inner circle, a coach is someone who is kind of like your own personal cheerleader. We hold you accountable with lots of encouragement, and sometimes a little tough love. Most importantly, as a coach myself, my biggest goal and hope is that my clients finds a life they truly love and I will do whatever it takes to help them get there. I help them realize what steps need to be taken to get aligned with that vision then stand by their side as they take each step.

You are on an incredible journey so never lose sight of that.

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