It's that time of year again! (And it's not what you think)

Today I have my 12th colonoscopy. A procedure most aren't recommended to have until they are 50 years old but one I've been having yearly since I was 24 (one year I had 3).  With this day comes all sorts of feelings, mostly, I feel thankful.

I am someone who believes wholeheartedly in holistic health and living a preventative. I believe our bodies have the capacity to heal themselves if given the right tools to do so, however, I also believe in the incredible advancements of medical technology. If it wasn't for these, I, along with so many other people would be dead today.

I sit here this morning as I wait for the time to come when my husband will take me in for my procedure and I am also feeling reflective and I thought I'd share with you one of the most life changing days of my life almost 9 years ago.

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December of 2004 was a month I will never forget. It was two days after Christmas when I, at the age of 24, went in for my very first colonoscopy. I went to my appointment, starving because I hadn't eaten since noon the previous day, and ready to 'just get it over with,' thinking nothing more then about what I was going to devour when I was done.

My mom and I sat in the waiting room, flipping through the magazines that rested on the table beside us. I couldn't focus enough to read any articles so I just looked at the pictures, making sure to avoid any pages that had food on it. I had no doubt in my mind that everything was fine and this was just a precaution because of my strong family history of cancer.

My brother was diagnosed with colon cancer at the age of 26 and about three years before that, my mom was diagnosed with endometrial cancer (uterine) and her doctor didn't think it was mere coincidence and recommended that my younger brother and I be screened as well.

So there I sat, waiting in the sterile room full of chairs and magazines and patients coming and going thinking about how ridiculous this was. My brother's cancer was a fluke! 'Old' people get colon cancer. Not twenty-something's.

"Amanda?" a nurse in green scrubs called out.

I politely waved and set my magazine down on the table beside me and bent over to give my mom a kiss on the check.

"See ya in a little bit!" I said as I turned to walk towards the nurse.

"Have a good nap!" my mom said with a slight laugh. I glanced back at her with a faint smile signaling that I definitely planned on it.

A that time, I was someone that had never had much of anything serious happen to me other than having my Adenoids removed when I was three.

The nurse led me back to a room full of beds separated by a curtain. I remember my brother telling me stories of how after the procedure they make you sit in a room with other people and wont let you leave till you pass gas. I was super 'excited' about that and quickly scanned the room to make sure they're were no attractive men around.

I was given a hospital gown and was instructed to take everything off and place my clothing in the bag provided and change into the gown and I did so. Standing next to the bed, draped in an over-sized white frock with blue dots I, for the first time, felt scared and alone. I wanted desperately for the nurse to go get my mom to wait with me but I knew what they would say if I asked. So I sat down on the bed, tucked my legs under the warm blanket they provided and tried to distract myself by thoughts of food instead.

I don't remember much when I came to other then it was really hard to keep my eyes open even after the nurse repeatedly told me that I needed to stay awake so I could get dressed. I lied there with my eyes closed, fighting with all my might to open them, even just long enough to get my velour jumpsuit back on. (This was right about the time they became trendy again. Thanks J-Lo!)

I managed to get the velour pants on and sat back down, the hospital gown falling off my shoulder. So this is what it feels like to do drugs I remember thinking. Glad I never took up that extracurricular activity.  I willed everything inside of me to open my eyes, giving myself a little pep talk when I heard my doctor tell the nurse that she needed to go get my mom and bring her back to me so we could all talk and I remember thinking, "that can't be good."

And it wasn't.

We sat in a little office, the details of which I can't remember. I leaned up against my mom because I was still incredibly groggy from the sedation  and I took in bits and pieces of the conversation. "Large polyp, biopsy, cancer, and surgery" were the words that stuck out most in my head while my mom took everything in so she could help me put the pieces of my fate together later that evening.

I remember the drive home, eyes closed. "What the hell just happened?"

Later that evening my family came over to my mom and step-dad's house and we filled them in on what happened. One of the things I love most about my family is the way we come together for each other and instead of crying and feeling sorry for ourselves, we simply embrace and find humor instead. We told lots of butt and fart jokes and laughed and I felt safe for the first time in hours.

About a week later my mom, dad and I went in for the results of my biopsy. I can confidently say that the week leading up to that was one of the most terrifying weeks of my life. We sat in another sterile room waiting for my doctor to share the results with us. I remember being extremely nervous and I remember what I was wearing but I can't recall anything else other then hearing that I would need to have surgery to remove a portion of my colon and a portion of my rectum and that I didn't 'officially' have cancer but it wasn't NOT cancer. It's the gray area that always gets ya.

From there we headed to meet the man who would preform my surgery. One of the best Colon and Rectal Surgeons in the greater Seattle area and right away I felt safe in his care. We discussed my options and he told me what he thought was the best way to proceed and then we asked a million questions. I placed all my trust in him and we scheduled my surgery for a week and a half later on January 14th.

When I said earlier that the week leading up to getting the results of my biopsy was the worst week of my life, I lied. This week and a half was. I tried to continue on as normal while taking care of the things that needed to be taken care of before I had major abdominal surgery and months of recuperation. I postponed started my second quarter of college till the spring, talked to my employer and got time off work and spent much needed time with family and friends but not much could keep my mind off the inevitable.

January 14th came slowly and on the day of my surgery I was overwhelmed by questions I never thought to ask and feeling uncertain and weary. What if something goes wrong? What if the anesthesia doesn't work and I'm 'asleep' but can feel EVERYTHING? What if he makes a mistake? What if, God-forbid, I don't wake up at all?

As we drove to the hospital I sat in the backseat of my parents car and pulled up my shirt to my belly button to expose my belly. This was going to be the last time my stomach would look 'normal.' After today I would have a long scar and everything would be different.

And it has been. My life has taken such a different turn over the last nine years. My health is one of my my number one priorities because of everything I've been through. From someone who use to abuse, neglect and put my body through hell I've learned, slowly, just how important it is to treat your body kindly and with love and respect.

I want to say this to you, especially if you are facing a challenging health (or life) situation of your own. You can get through anything. It may seem overwhelming and scary, confusing and so big right now you don't even know where to begin but you CAN get through it.

Our bodies can heal when they are giving the opportunity to do so.

We just have to make the choice to treat them with the love instead.

A Savoury Soul: Whitney Scofield Mack // Macks Mo

I first met this weeks Savoury Soul, Whitney, when we briefly worked together at lululemon athletica in Seattle. Whitney is extremely sweet and a pillar in the community of health, wellness and fitness with her company, Mack's Mo that she and her husband started in 2012.

Macks Mo is a health community designed to give you the tools required to get the most out of life, offering both individual and group training and recently added, online nutritional coaching. Whitney is a fellow IINer (Institute of Integrative Nutrition) as well! We most definitely are creating a ripple affect!

You can tell that Whitney has one of the deepest passions when it comes to health, fitness and wellness and she is nothing short of motivating.

Without further ado...

Tell me all about your mission?

I believe in the power of momentum – that every little step and small decision along the way to improving your health adds up to lasting changes that stand the test of time. By using food and fitness as a foundation for establishing positive habits, clients build the momentum needed to wisely examine every action to streamline a path towards creating a life overflowing with happiness, passion and joy that’s lived to the “macks”.

What sparked your interest in living a healthy life?

Two things: cooking with my Mom and working at lululemon athletica and getting involved within the fitness community. Cooking with my mom inspired me to cook more at home, which ultimately developed my love for cooking at home with good food. I loved the energy of group fitness classes and the potential to share healthy habits within a tight-knit community, which ignited my desire to teach.

What do you find people are most confused about in regards to eating healthy?

Labels. Food marketing is super misleading and consumers trying to be make healthy food choices are often dooped by savvy labels and misinformation. Anything trying to sell itself as “healthy” should be left on the shelf – the ingredients in food speak for themselves; and you don’t see a “eat me, I’m healthy” sign in the produce section.

If you could cook for anyone who would it be and what would you cook?

That is a tough one. I guess I would love to cook for any client who thinks that they don’t have time to prepare quick, good-tasting, high-quality meals.

What are your top 3 favorite plant-based ingredients to use?

Coconut oil, hemp seeds and chia seeds. Coconut oil is a staple in my cooked foods and basically anything raw gets the latter two! 

Finish these sentences:

I am happiest when… I am connecting with friends or family, laughing and playing games!

I am currently listening to… because I am a group fitness instructor, my music is constantly changing – but in my car, “The Coats” Christmas CD’s (yes, I realize it’s not Thanksgiving yet but truthfully I started listening to them right after Halloween – what can I say?!).

My favorite place is… Montana or anywhere with my husband, Regan.

It makes my blood boil when… cars won’t let other cars merge during traffic. We all know what it’s like to be in the wrong lane or have to make some quick lane switches, so perhaps apply the Golden Rule when driving!

I am most grateful for… my husband. He balances me out in the best ways and keeps me grounded. I can get pretty wound up with all that’s on my plate and he reminds me to be present and enjoy every moment. And he makes every moment more fun, so it’s a win-win.

What does self-care/love mean to you?

Putting your own health and well-being above others; especially for those of us who are “givers” (myself included). Too often, since we enjoy serving others, we forget to take care of ourselves – which leads to burn-out and exhaustion! So, I try to do at least two things per day that increase my health and happiness – it could be taking the time to call a friend or taking a really long shower. For me, a lot of times it means slowing down and asking the question “what does my body need and does what I am doing serve my happiness?”

What is your favorite thing about yourself, personality and appearance?

Honestly? Ha ha – my butt!  It’s my favorite asset (pun intended) and gives me clout when speaking to clients about how importance of back body strength!

In your own words, what is a Savoury Soul?

A savoury soul for me would be liken to a bosom friend or kindred spirit. I see a savoury soul as “juicy” – full of life and exuding love to those around them.

Whitney is wellness activist - certified as a group instructor through ACE and AFFA, while also finishing school at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to be a holistic health coach. She founded Macks Mo - a Seattle-based and online fitness + nutrition business with her husband in 2012, is a fitness presenter and lululemon ambassador. Her business helps active, professional women reduce weight and stress, while increasing energy, passion and joy through her group classes, coaching and nutrition programs. Her goal in her work is to redefine "health" and ignite a revolution that helps clients achieve balance and happiness through the perfect marriage of food + fitness, allowing them to get more out of their lives.

Learning to Trust Your Body After Illness

Most of us go throughout our 20's feeling invisible, like nothing could or would happen to us. We rarely stop and think about our mortality or ask questions like," what if something were to  happen to me?" "What if I got sick?"

And honestly, we shouldn't. We should live in a constant state of being present, however, when something does happen, it can rock our world.

Personally I knew what my body was capable of. I was the picture of perfect health and fitness and the most severe illness I ever had was the flu. I had never broken a bone or had stitches and found myself proud of that.

Then, on December 27th, 2004 everything changed.

I was 24 years old and I was just told that I had a precancerous polyp in my colon and had to have surgery to remove it.

What? Surgery? A colon polyp? My mind was a jumbled mess of confusion. But I did EVERYTHING right AND I'm was only 24 years old. Wasn't colon cancer something old people got?

It shouldn't have come as such a huge shock being that my older brother was just over a year in remission for colon cancer, diagnosed at the age of 26 but it was happening to me and it was. A shock that is.

On January 14th, 2005 I checked into the hospital and had almost two feet of my colon removed. After a  setback from a major complication during surgery, another emergency surgery, a temporary ileostomy bag and nine emotionally trying days in the hospital, I was released and able to go home with the orders of gaining as much weight as possible so that I could have one more surgery to reverse the ileostomy bag and reconnect my large intestine to my small.

Grateful to be home, I went about the first couple weeks feeling relieved and just happy to be back at my parents house to recover. Then, what seemed out of nowhere I started to feel sad and a depression set in like I had never experienced before.

Everything that had happened over the course of the last month began crashing down on me. My body was different are now I barred a scar about 6 inches from my belly button to the top of my public bone, I had a bag connected to my stomach (that I had to go to the bathroom in) and I could barely walk a quarter of a mile without feeling tired.

I once felt so strong, so invisible and now I was left feeling like a stranger in my own body and with that came a lack of trust in its ability to heal and stay healthy. I lost all trust that it was able to do it's job. 

So, here I was, having to accept that I was a mortal being, something not too many 24 year old's have to think about. I had to adapt to a new way of existing in a tired, weak and broken body. I was forced to question my whole identity.

Maybe you are reading this and you can relate. Maybe you have had an experience where your body, once the picture of health and vitality, had been left broken and unable to work properly? Maybe you are going through that right now.

So what do you do now?

It took time to learn that I had to adjust to a new way of existing within my body. I had to love my new features like the 6 inch scar running down my belly and slowly gain my strength back. I rushed back to the gym only to find myself with a hernia and back in the hospital. Once my intestines were reconnected, my body had to learn how to work again which also left me heading to the emergency room on more than one occasion.

Looking back, if I could offer up any advice for someone being tested by their body I would say this:

// Be kind and patient and give yourself time to heal. Don't try to rush back into your old way of existing.

// Have gratitude for what you CAN do, like walk. Seriously. You may not have the strength you once had but if you can walk from here to there, that is something to be thankful for.

// Live as preventative as you can. Eat organic, whole foods that will speed up the healing process and give you more energy.

// Listen to your body, it will tell you what it needs. Take naps when needed. Healing takes an incredible amount of energy. I slept a lot and very hard during my months of healing.

// Practice daily self-care, give yourself a lot of love. Take a bath, read a good book, make nutritious meals. Do what  you can to feel loved, nurtured and taken care of.

Whenever you are faced with illness or an injury you are also faced with change and change is hard to accept and deal with. It takes a lot of strength and courage, which I know you have.

It also takes persistence and resilience. You have to be able to accept what has happened and that somethings are completely out of our control, something that is hard for a lot of us. However, by doing so you are giving yourself room to find a new normal and possibly come back even stronger than you were before.

Life can throw some pretty interesting curve balls. Would I have ever guess that at 24 years old I'd be facing the possibility of colon cancer? No way! But I did, it's part of my story now and it was my choice how I used it in my life.

And you have the choice too. Where will you go? How will you deal with what is happening within your body right now? Most importantly, how will you learn to trust your body again?

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Lots of love

When Your Self-Care Routine Becomes a Burden

 

Self-care has become a bit of a buzz word. It's everywhere, popping up more and more the further you get into the world of self-discovery and inquiry. But what exactly is it?

To me, self-care is the act and attitude you take to maintain a standard of well-being, health and personal happiness. It's those things that add a richness to your life, that make you feel full, nurtured and taken care of.

But what happens when you rituals of self-care become too much and start to impede on all of the above? Is that even possible?

I was talking with a client the other day and she mentioned that she was feeling like her self-care routine was starting to feel like a burden. I asked her what she meant by this and she told me how she got up at 5:30am, before her family was up,  just so she would have enough time to do all the things that she felt would add to her happiness, fulfillment and betterment as a person. Except, it wasn't. It was stressing her out and causing her to feel depleted and disappointed when she couldn't get to everything.

I asked her why she felt she needed to include everything in her self-care routine and she replied that they were all things she really wanted to make a part of her life. They were habits and behaviors she valued and brought joy, peace and happiness to others, and thought they would bring that to her as well.

I paused for a moment before asking her my next question. "What do you think you should do then?" I asked.

She continued to tell me how it was causing additional stress on top of everything else that was overwhelming her. When she couldn't commit to something fully then she felt disappointed. She was lacking excitement to participate in them because they were feeling like a chore.

"I probably need to look over my routine and remove the things that don't feel right to me anymore." She replied.

BINGO!

I think this is something that anyone who is aware and committed to adding in self-care to their daily lives goes through. We all know how important it is to do things that we love, those things that make us feel alive and nurtured and well taking care of, but there are only so many hours in they day.  In our ideal world we'd be able to carve out enough time to leisurely go about our day, pausing for 20 minutes here and there to meditate, followed by an hour-long yoga class, and walk outside and come home to a nice warm bath. Maybe some days you can do this but when it starts to impede on your happiness, when you start to look at those things like just another thing on your list of things to do,  it's time to take a good, hard look at your current reality.

I'm a HUGE believer in self-care rituals. I talk about how important it is all the time with clients however, when it starts to feel like a chore, then it's a sign you have taken on too many acts of self-love and you aren't fully able to commit to and absorb their benefits. Therefore, it turns into yet another chore or task we need to do.

I told my client that maybe she needed to write a list of everything she did in a day to promote self-care and cross out the things that were weighing her down and making her feel conflicted and stressed and do those things that really filled her soul with a deeper sense of self-love.

When we do this we are able to really get the full benefits of self-care.

Remember this when you are thinking about your self-care routing; it's quality over quantity. It's not how many things we can fit into our day but how those things make us feel inside.

Reader Challenge -- If you are feeling like your self-care routine is adding more stress than feelings of nurturing and love, reassess what you are doing and remove that which feels more like a burden and invest more into what you keep.

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