I've never really been one to make New Year's Resolutions which is strange coming from someone who coaches other on how to design and implement small changes in their lives in order to reach their goals. For me, setting New Year's goals has always felt phony and forced and typically three weeks in I've fallen so far off the wagon and I might as well wait for the next year anyway. And as the lovely Danielle LaPorte says, it's the feeling that reaching the goal will bring we are chasing anyways.
So what I do instead is reflect on the feeling I want to create and give lots of thought to what needs to happen in order to encourage more of that in my life. I believe in creating a vision and having a theme or a word that encompasses the feeling I'm trying to create in my life. This year is all about the yes because I want the excitement and exhilaration that follows.
I guess it all boils down to a sense of freedom and adventure. We can easily talk ourselves out of so much if we allow ourselves. I know I sure can anyway. So what exactly do I mean by saying yes more? Well, to anything really but one place I am starting is with dating.
I've spent the last nine months trying to figure my junk out. Why I keep putting myself in similar situations and how I can do things differently moving forward. I've thought about what I want and definitely have come to know what it is I don't want.
I think when you go through something like divorce or a major breakup it's important to reflect on all of it. And regardless of what instigated the demise of the relationship, the hard truth is it takes two to tango and it's never just one persons fault. So, I've had to think a lot about my role in all of it which is a whole post in and of itself. But anyway....
When I decided to move 1200 miles away from everyone that is comfortable to me I decided that once I was here I'd put myself out there and start dating. I mean, I could continue saying I'm not ready or I could think of it as a fun way to meet new people. It's really up to me.
Dating in the past has always been somewhat interesting. Until I feel comfortable, I can be painfully awkward at times and/or bail out because I really hate the awkward moments of silence. And I'm pretty sure I was born without the ability to bullshit. I mean, I can definitely flirt but bullshit? Not so much. In fact, the very thought of sitting across the table from a complete stranger "chit-chatting" makes my stomach turn, my palms sweat and my throat go dry. If I know anything about myself for certain it is that I am not a bullshitter.
Actually, one of the reasons I love being a coach is that you get to go deep and go deep fast. People literally pay me to jump right to the good stuff, the real stuff. I live for the real stuff. I thrive on the real stuff. So when it comes to jumping back in the saddle and putting myself out there I get nervous because I know there is the inevitable first date of potential awkwardness. I know. I sound so negative.
However, 2015 is the year of the yes and with that comes saying yes when I get asked out on a date or to do anything for that matter. And what I've come to know is it really boils down to me changing my perspective. How can I find adventure in dating? How can I find adventure in getting to know these new people? How can I get out of my own way and fully embrace this new experience?
So, I joined Tinder.
Yep. I did the very thing I said I'd never do because I need to put myself out there and honestly I have no idea how to actually well, put myself out there so I just did it. I joined. However, I'm not so sure it will be so hard meeting people considering some guy at the grocery store handed me his phone number (unsolicited mind you) within two minutes of talking to him about the sacred geometry ring on my finger. All of this happnened only a few hours after landing in Encinitas.
So, yeah, I joined Tinder and it seems to work because I already have a meet up with someone on Sunday. But wait, was that too fast? I mean, crap! Did I just accept a walk on the beach with a complete aggressive crazy? It's just a walk, right? Really no need for my overly active and analytical mind to start overthinking right? Plus no awkward stares from across the table (BONUS!) and it IS the year of the yes and he asked and I said yes.
So aside from dating because really, let's be honest here, my whole freakin' life just completely changed and there is more going on then me starting to date. However if we are being completely honest, that's the stuff ya'll really want to read about, right? :). I know you so well.
But apart from saying yes to dates I'm saying yes to anything and everything (within my moral code).
Walk on the beach? Yes!
Road trip up the coast? Yes!
Meet up for dinner on a school night? Yes!
Skydive? Maybe...probably....okay, yes!
Swimming with Great Whites? Um... hell no! Are you crazy? It may be the year of yes but I think that one gets a no.
But you get the point, right? This over analytical brain of mine, the one that talks myself out of a whole lot, is taking a little break and I've decided to give life a big old YES.
My move, more than anything, is about living with a sense of adventure and all of this yes business feels wildly adventurous. And if anything, it'll make for a great story while I awkwardly stare at someone from across the table.
Here is to saying yes!