Never in all my years has life felt more mysteries, complicated and exciting then during this past year. If I may be honest, and really, isn't that the whole point of putting yourself out there? To be utterly and fully transparent and honest? So, if I may, be honest that is, I still haven’t quite found the words to paint an accurate picture of everything that 2014 brought with it. However, if I could compare it to anything it would be that of a really big, crazy and fast roller coaster. Up and down, up and down, up and down.
Over the last twelve months there were a lot of tears. I had to get really comfortable with how many tears my body can actually produce because at times, I wondered if they would ever stop. There were moments that resembled my two year old niece's tantrums, body flung across my bed, screaming into my pillow so that no one would hear me, kicking and crying until my face was puffy and my cheeks stained with the remnants of betrayal and heartbreak. There were moments where I felt out of control, where grief and anger took over all my senses and I was unable to fight it. Not my finer moments, that's for certain.
The interesting thing is, I've never felt more peaceful in my life either. If you are open and able to see it, what I find so unbelievable, so intoxicating about life is how many wonderful moments are weaved in throughout those tough moments of sadness and despair. One minute I had no idea how I was going to pull it off. I wondered how I was going pick myself up, dust off and start over. And then the next, I had done it. I had in fact, dusted off and began creating a life that is all mine.
For me it wasn't just moving to a new home across town and hoping I wouldn't run into my ex-husband at the local market. It was packing up everything I owned and saying a heartbreaking good-bye to a life and lifestyle I was crazy in love with. My dogs, my farm animals, my garden and home, the vineyard, my friends and yes my husband. And now this was all supposed to be apart of my past. I felt like I lost everything. I did, in many ways, lose everything. The funny thing is, as difficult as saying good-bye was, life has opened up some pretty interesting doors in its place. I'm overwhelmed by the countless amazing souls and opportunities the Universe has brought my way in just twelve short months.
As I sit here almost one year later and twelve hundred miles away from my old life I can’t help but reflect and quietly laugh at all the various twists and turns I’ve experienced this past year. As I quietly ponder all the mysteries of life, I’m reminded and humbled by how unpredictable this short time we get to live is. It goes by quickly, giving us even more reason to seize the day and live life on and with purpose.
I'm reminded of this quote by Paulo Coelho:
" When someone leaves, its because someone else is about to arrive." - Paulo Coelho
There is so much truth to that and I also like to think that when one thing leaves it's because it's creating space for other opportunities to arrive. And to that I say A-MEN. Nothing could be more true. Knowing this doesn't mean it has been any less difficult to move on but the hope that just around the corner is something really great, well that's what has kept me going over the last year.
I know it’s been quiet around here for a while, and I’m sorry for leaving you hanging. I never could have expected my year to be what it was and the rush of emotions and changes that came with it had me spinning in circles like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. If only I could click my heels three times. But then again, would I really want life to go back to the way it was?
As I mentioned, so many new doors have opened in the last twelve months which caused a bit of overwhelm and excitement and a forced break from this space. I needed to step back and let myself breathe and fully experience everything that was happening in my life and to be honest, I really didn't have any words to share. However, I knew I wanted to hold on to this space and let it unfold in a way that truly felt inspiring to me. As you may notice from the aesthetic changes, this home of mine, of ours really, is evolving. I’ve been sitting with how I want to grow into this new life of mine and what that meant for this space.
Life in all its great mystery, often unfolds in ways that don’t always make sense until months and sometimes years down the road, but I know that everything I have experiences thus far has lead me to this very place and this very moment for a reason. My life in Oregon and my life before that and all the experiences in between have brought me here, to this wonderful place in Southern California and I feel so much clearer about what this space is supposed to be.
Like many people, I tend to compartmentalize myself, stuffing various interest and hobbies into different cubbies and over the last few months I’ve realized that it is necessary and time to put it all out there in one place. How can I be the inspiration I truly want to be if I am not allowing myself to be vulnerable to do so? How can I show up in a way that feels like I am living on purpose and WITH purpose if I’m not allowing the world to see ALL of me?
And that brings me to this space, this platform, The Savoury Soul.
In Oregon I had a blog that focused on my life transitioning from the city to living on a fifty acre vineyard and farm in the heart of wine country. It was a huge outlet for my creative side and honestly, it was that blog that allowed me to get to know various parts of myself I didn't know existed.
Almost a year ago that all changed when I left my marriage and life down there and I didn’t know how to incorporate that old blog into my new life. How did I continue to write a blog that focused on this new life of mine when every single part of that life had changed? When I started this blog I did so with the intention of having it solely be for my coaching practice where I shared about health and wellness. However, things in that area have changed as well and as I start my collaborative adventures with my business partner Pegah and we transition PKNY Health into our joint venture, I realized that there was an opportunity to turn this space a mix of the old and the new.
If you have ever looked into blogging or blog yourself you have heard of the importance of really defining and understanding your niche. Basically, who the heck are you writing for and what is your consistent message? This very thing is what has left me frozen in my tracks for many reasons. How do I write about just one thing when there are so many sides of me, so many interest, so much passion for everything and I feel called to share it all?
So, as not to force or rush things like I may have had the tendency to do in the past, I really tried to just sit with it all, honor what my heart wants and needs and trust that the answers would show up when the time is right. If I know anything to be true it's that If you are coming from a place of truth, love and have the patience, the answers will unfold.
What came to me was this. "Stop putting so much emphasis on the niche part Amanda and share what is in your heart." So that is what I've decided to do, stop putting so much emphasis on the niche part and, as long as I listen and write from my heart, this space will be exactly what it needs and is supposed to be. Plus, sometimes rules are just meant to be broken, right?
As time has proven over and over again, there really is never only one way to do something. What is MOST important, what is vital for happiness and to feel like you are living on and WITH purpose is that we continue to tap into that magical place of truth and live from there.
I know this much; I am a creative, a writer, an artist and a storyteller. I love food, health holistic, essential oils and adventure. I am a surviver and thriver. I love getting my hands dirty in a house project and in the garden and I’m going to share it all here and my hope is that in someway it will inspire you to believe that you can do anything as long as you continue to live your truth.
It feels really bloody amazing to be back writing again, to pour my heart and soul out in a place where I feel safe and encouraged. I know my stories and what I share here will reach the people they are meant to reach and that is why I share so openly to begin with.
I'll be honest, I have no idea where this will go but trust that everything I put out there I will do so with 100% love, heart and passion.
It's good to be back.